I cockslap morals
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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