It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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