I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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