I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
FUCK WHALES
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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