he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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