Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize