can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
