I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
