As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Sorry my hands just texted you
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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