the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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