I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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