SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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