i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm bleeding and have questions
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
