Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
