I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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