You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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