All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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