My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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