I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
