girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
