he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
