Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
