You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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