I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
