If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
They took my balls.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My vagina is officially offended.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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