At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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