Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
