dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We got so high we made milksteak
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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