I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
