I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
