Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
