in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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