it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
