He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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