the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
