yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
