I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
