I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
