I got chris browned last night
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i now understand why vodka
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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