he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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