I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
