he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
