let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
