I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
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