I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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