you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
