man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Shame is for Republicans.
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