so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
