We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
