Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Randomize
